





^ 

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IN TWO ACTS. 



BY 



Jlamed c^^'. O^Qh^^iilcvn. 



PUBLISHED BY JAMES M. O'SULLIVAN, 

Brooklyn, L. I., N. Y., 

1887. 



V 



Mk "^M 



iK<' 



^ €QMEmW» 



BY 



fame4 ^/^ Gf'c/ee/u^an, 



PUBLISHED BY JAS. M. O'SULLIVAN. 

Brooklyn, L. I. N. Y. 

1887. 



„ SEP 12 1887 U / 






Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 

1882, by James M. O'Sullivan, in the office of the 

Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 



TMP96-006599 



CHARACTERS. 



PATRICK O'SHAY, A Son of Emerald Isle. 

Mr. GEORGE GLEASON,,. I Editor of Evening 

MISS CLANCY, A Young American Lady. 

MR. ALDERMAN CLANCY, Her Father. 

MISS BRIDGET EINNIGAN^.Ir^^/^ Servant Girl 

MR. BARNES, A Lawyer. 

MR. SMITH, A Lawyer. 

MISS SUMNER. 1 

MISS SMITH, i Ladies who call in answer to 

MISS GRAY, I Matrimonial Advertisement. 

MISS EAY, ■ J 

TWO BRIDESMAIDS, 
And TWO LADIES. 

Citizens and News Boys, &c. 



COSTUMES 



Patrick O'Shay's First Dress — Knee Breeches and 
Frieze Coat. 

Patrick's Second Dress — Like an American 
Citizen. 

Mr. George Gleason — Like an American Editor. 

Miss Clancy — Like an American Young Lady. 

Miss Bridget Finnigan — Like a Neat Irish- 
American Servant Girl. 

Miss Sumner, 

Miss Smith, 

Miss Gray, [- Like American Ladies of 

Miss Fay, Fashion. 

And two Ladies, 

Mr. Alderman Clancy — Like a New York 
Alderman. 

Mr. Barnes, \ Like American Lawyers, with 
Mr. Smith, f High Hats. 

Miss Clancy, as Bride — White Silk Dress, and 

White Lace and White Veil. 
Miss Finnigan — Green Silk, and White Lace and 

Veil. 
Bridesmaids — White Dress. 



^looking for a ^Wife. 



ACT I. 

SCENE I. — Front hasement of Alderman Clancifs 

house. Carpet down, furniture modern. 
Enter Miss Clancy from left. [Looks around for 
something.] A bell I'ings. Miss Clancy opens 
side door on left. 
Enter Patrick O'Shay. [Takes of his hat.] 

Miss Clancy. Who do you wish to see ? 

Patrick O'Shay. I wish to see a little girl of the 
Finnigans. 

Miss Clancy. Do you mean Bridget Finnigan ? 

Patrick (JSJiay. Yes, it is her I wish to see. 
Will you be pleased to tell her that a boy after 
landing, named Patrick O'Shay, wishes to see her. 

Miss Clancy. She is up stairs. Please to take 
a seat and I will go up stairs and send her dow^n 
to you. [Patrick O'Shay sits down. Miss Clancy 
exits by door on left.] 

After aferv moments , 

Enter Miss Bridget Finnigan, exclaiming, Is that 
you Pat ? 

Patrick O'Shay. [Rising.] It is, alana ; it is your 
own darling Pat. [Embraces and kisses her.] 

Bridget. How are all the folks at home ? 



6 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. They are all well, darling. But how is 
yourself, my dear girline ? 

Bridget. I am well, my dear Patrick. But what 
do you mean to do in New York ? 

Pat. I don't know yet, but I am not one of 
those that think they can pick up gold in Gold 
Street, for I believe that I will have to work for 
a living, or else go to San Francisco, Cal. 

Bridget. Patrick, don't go from me, I will try 
and get you a place. 

Pat. God bless you, my darling, bat what kind 
of a place ? 

Bridget. The Editor of the Evening Journal 
wants a strong young man to make fires and go of 
errands. I happened to see the advertisement 
when I was looking in the paper this morning. 

Patrick O'Shay. And do you think that 1 will do? 

Bridget. I feel shure that you will suit because 
you are strong enough to be a porter, and the 
stronger you are the better he will like it. 

Pat. Show me the paper, alana. 

Bridget. [Gives Pat the Journal.] 

Pat. [Looks at the paper a few monieuts,] and 
exclaims, " May 1 keep this paper? " 

Bridget. You may, asthore, sure I bought that 
myself. 

Pat. [Putting the paper in his pocket.] I'll go 
and see about that job right away. 

Bridget. That's right, my love. 

Pat. [Takes Bridget's hand, and kissing it,] 
exclaims, '' Good morning, iwy darling." 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. i 

SCENE II.— .4 Street Seene in New York, Gold 
Street. 

Enter Pat O'Shay from the ricjlit and Mr. George 
Gleason, Editor of the Evening Journdl from 
the left. [They meet in middle of the stage.] 
Pat. Will you please to tell me if the office of 
the Evening Joitrnal is around here anywhere? 

Mr. Gleason. It is around the corner. Do you 
wish to see Mr. Gleason? 
Pat. I do, sir. 

Mr. Gleason. Well, I am the man. 
Pat. Then I am very glad to see you, because 
I read in the paper that you wanted a young man. 
Mr. Gleason. So I do. Have you a recommen- 
dation? 
Pat. I have. 

Mr. Gleason. Then come around to the office 
right away. [They exit by the left.] 
SCENE III. — Editorial rooms of the Evening 

Joarrtal. A desk and e hairs in room. 
Enter Mr. Gleason by centre, a}id sitting dotvn to 
desk begins to tvrite. [Stops writing and calls 
Patrick. Not receivijtg an answer, he rises and 
goes to centre door and calls Patrick again and 
goes back to desk and sits down.] 
Enter Patrick. 

Mr. Gleason. Why didn't you come when I 
first called you? 

Pat. I was at the other end of the composing 
room learning to set type, and did not hear when 
you first called. 

Mr. Gleason. Well, try and keep your ears 
open a little better in the future, and change 



8 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

those corduroy breeches and frieze coat for a new 
suit of fashionable clothes. 

Pat. But where is the money to come from? 

Mr. Gleason. I will give you four weeks' pay 
in advance. [Takes out a roll of hills and hands 
them to P(ii.\ 

Pat. [Takes the bills and pats them in his 
pocket.] 

Mr. Gleason. [Handing Pat a sJieet of letter 
paper.] Take this to the foreman of the com- 
posing room and tell him to put it among the 
matrimonial ads, and that it is my advertisement 
for a wife. Then go and get yourself a suit of 
clothes. But don't be out over an hour, and if 
you get back before I get back, you may tell the 
ladies, who call in answer to my advertisement, 
to take seats outside until I come back. You will 
find chairs enough in the composing room. 

Pat. I will, sir. [Exit Pat by centre.] 

Mr. Gleason. [Takes off his duster and hangs it 
up and removing his eye glasses puts on his hat and 
exits by centre.] 

After a few moments^ 

Enter Pat by centre ivith a new suit of clothes, 
[closes centre door.] 

Pat. I would like to go out again, but I must 
stay at home this afternoon and receive ladies. I 
hope that Bridget won't be jealous. [Approaches 
desk a7id is about to sit doivn. A knock at the centre 
door.] 

Pat. [Goes to door and opens it a little, ajid 
stands sideways so as lady can be seen in door way.] 

Miss Sumner. [Looking in.] I came in answer 
to Mr. Gleason's advertisement. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 9 

Pat. Please to sit down outside for a few 
minutes. [Miss Sumner leaves the centre door. Pat 
closes the door and walks toivards the desk. Another 
rap on the door.] 

Pat. [Goes to the door and opens it and stands 
sideways as before.] 

Miss Smith. [Looking in.] I wish to see Mr. 
Gleason. 

Pat. You will have to sit outside for a few 
minutes. Go and sit down beside that other lady. 

Miss Smith. [Leaves the door. Pat closes the 
door and advances toivards the desk again. Another 
knock on the centre door.] 

Pat. [Goes to the door and opens it and stands 
as before.] 

Miss Gray. [Looking in.] 1 woukl like to see 
Mr. Gleason. 

Pat. Please to go and sit down beside the 
other ladies. 

Miss Gray. [Leaves the door. Pat advances 
towards the desk. Another knock on the door. Pat 
goes to the door again and opens it and stands as 
t)efore.] 

Miss Fay. [Looking in.] I want to see Mr. 
Gleason. 

Pat. Please to take a seat beside the other 
ladies. 

Miss Fay. [Leaves the door.] 

Pat, [advancing toivards the footlights.] I will 
play a joke on them ladies and on the boss. 
[Scratching his head.] I have it. One of the lads 
outside has a false mustache. I will get the loan 
of it, and put on the boss's coat. And I'll borrow 



10 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 



the eye glasses from the old compositor outside. 
[Goes outside and refiuiis in a little while and puts 
on the false nuistache aud eye glasses and iJie hoss\s 
duster, and. (joes to the centre door and beckons to 
Miss Stunner. 

Enter Miss Sumner. 

Pat, [hoiring.] Good afternoon. I suppose you 
called in answer to my advertisement ? 

Miss Stunner. Yes, I took pity on your forlorn 
condition. 

Pat. Pity is a very good thing, but I want 
some one to love me. And if a lady's heart did 
not with love for me fill, I would not marry her 
if she had all the gold in California, and all the 
diauionds in Brazil. 

Miss Stunner. But I do love you. 

Pat. Then it will be all right, for I love you 
dearly and will marry you. 

Miss Stunner. But when would you like to 
have the marriage ceremony performed ? 

Pat. 0, any time you like. I'll let you name the 
day. 

Miss Sumner. Before naming the day, I want 
it distinctly understood that I am to have all the 
dresses I want, and plenty of pocket money, and 
horses and carriages. 

Pat. 0, of course, of course, my dear. [Taking 
her hand and kissing it passionately.] 

Miss Sitniner. I will name next Monday morn- 
ing as the marriage day; be at the Fifth Avenue 
Hotel at S o'clock, with your best man. 

Pat. All right, my love. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 11 

Miss Sumner. All right, my dear George. [Blow- 
ing a hiss with her hand.] Adieu until next Mon- 
day morning. 

Pat. [Boiving and hloiving a kiss.] Adieu my 
dear love. [Exit Miss Sumner by the centre door.] 

Pat. [Going to desk and sitting doivn.] I have 
her on a fine string. I wonder what the next one 
will say. [A knock on the centre door. Enter Miss 
Smith. Pat rises and hows to Miss Smith.] 

Miss Smith. Do I address Mr. George Gleason? 

Pat. You do. 

Miss Smith. I came in answer to your adver- 
tisement. Do you think that I will suit you ? 

Pat. Well, I am admiring your pretty form. 

Miss Smith. And are you getting broke up on 
my shape? 

Pat. Something like that. 

Miss Smith. What would you say if a lady 
told you that she loved you dearly? 

Pat. If I loved her and thought she would 
have me for good or for better, I would let her. 

Miss Smith. Oh, George, I do love you ever so 
much. [Pat attempts to embrace atid kiss her.] 

Miss Smith. No yon don't. [Dancing away from 
him.] No liberties before marriage. 

Pat. What! not kiss my intended bride? 

Miss Smith. You may kiss my hand. [Extend- 
ing her hand.] 

Pat. [Takes her hand and kissing it.] When 
will you name the happy day? 

Miss Smith. 0, next Monday morning will do. 



12 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. All right, my darling; we will get married 
on next Monday morning. 

Miss Smith. Then bring a carriage to the 
Grand Central Hotel on next Monday morning, 
at 8 o'clock, and we will go to the Little Church 
aronnd the Corner and get married. 

Pat. All right, my deary. 

Miss Smith. I must go now, my love. [Blowing 
a kiss.] Adieu until next Monday morning. 

Fat. [Blowiug a kiss.] Adieu my dearest. 

[Exit Miss Smith bg centre door.] 

[Pat goes to the desk and sits down. Another 
knock on the door.] 

Pat. Come in. 
Enter Miss Gray. 

Pat. [Rises and hoirs.] 

Miss Gray. 1 called in answer to your adver- 
tisement. Do you think that I will suit? 

Pat. That depends upon circumstances. What 
are your accomplishments? 

Miss Graif. I can play on the piano, and sing 
and dance. 

Pat. And can you cook and make oat meal 
gruel and apple dumplings? 

Miss Graif. 1 aspire to be the cook's boss. I 
know how things should be cooked, for I have a 
theoretical as well as a practical knowledge of 
cooking. 

Pat. Very good, very good. What is your 
name? 

Miss Gray. My name is Louise Gray. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 13 

Pat, [Bowing.] If I many charming Louise, 
I'll do everything to please her. 

Miss Gray. Well, how do I fill your bill? 

Pat. 0, sweet girl, with the flaxen hair, 
And the brow so fair. 
For your love I do care, 
I should always like to be by your side, 
You will make me happy if you become 
my bride. 

Miss Gray. Mr. Gleason I offer you my hand 
and heart. 

Pat. [Grasping her extended hand and kissing it.] 
When will you name the happy day? 

Miss Gray. My dear George, how would next 
Monday morning do? 

Pat. First rate, my love. It will suit me. 

Miss Gray. Then be at the Fifth Avenue 
Hotel next Monday Morning at nine o'clock. 

Pat. All right, my sweet. 

Miss Gray. [Bhnving a kiss.] Adieu, my love 

Pat. [Bloiving a kiss.\ Adieu, my dear. 

[Exit Miss Gray hy centre door.] 

[Pat goes to desk and sits down again. Another 
knock on tJte centre door.] 

Pat. Come in. 
Enter Miss Fay. 

Pat. [Rising front hi >^ seat and bowing.] Good 
afternoon. 

Miss F((y. [Bowing.] Good afternoon. Mr 
Gleason. I believe that you are in want of a 
wife, some one that you can take to the theatre 
or to the opera, and go into society with, an 
attractive blonde? 



14 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat, [Sighing.] 0, yes; some one liRe you. 

Miss Fay. Yes; like me. I am accomplished, 
and I own a farm on Long Island. 

Pat. That is all very fine, and it is what I call 
a grand inducement. But what is your name? 

Miss Fay. My name is Sarah Jane Fay. 

Pat. Were you ever married? 

Miss Fay. Only three times. 

Pat. "Holy smoke '^ you don't mean to say 
that you buried three husbands? 

Miss Fay. Not quite so good as that. I have 
been divorced three times, 

Pat. Only three times divorced. No wonder 
that you look so j'oung and beautiful. 

Miss Fay. Don't you think that I would make 
a good wife for an editor? I could let him have 
any amount of cash. 

Pat. That would be excellent. You would 
make an obliging wife as well as a handsome one. 

Miss Fay. [Bowing.] You are very compli- 
mentary. 

Pat. I can't help it, for I love all the handsome 
ladies and the winsome girls. 

And if it was not against the laws 

Of the Church and Nation, 
I w^ould marry all the nice girls in creation. 

Miss Fay. But do you think that I am good- 
looking enough to be your wife? 

Pat. Certainly; will you accept of my hand 
and heart. Will you be my wife? [Extends his 
hand.] ^ 

Miss Fay. [Giving Pat her hand.] Yes, George. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 15 

Pat. [Kissing her hand.] 0, my Sarah, my sweet 
little dear, I hope that your other three husbands 
will never interfere. 

Miss Fay. They dare not, they dare not. 

Pat. I hope not, but how about our wedding 
day. When would you like to get married? 

Miss Fay. Next Monday morning. Be at Grace 
Church next Monday morning at ten o'clock with 
youi' best man, and I will be there with my 
ladies. After the ceremony we will breakfast at 
Delmonico's at my expense, and then proceed to 
my farm on Long Island. 

Pat. All right, my love. No cards. 

Miss Fay. [Blowing a kiss.] Adieu, until next 
Monday morning. [Exit Miss Fay by centre.] 

Pat. I am getting tired of this. I will take off 
this mustache and coat, and go to see my own 
sweetheart. [Takes off Mr. Gleason's coat and 
hangs it up ivhere it belongs and taking of the 
mustache and eye glasses exits by centre.] 

SCENE lY.—Gold Street. Street Scene. [Citizens, 
Neivs Boys and others walk across the stage for 
a few mi mites.] 

SCENE V. — Basement of Alderman Clancy's house. 
Bridget dusting thefwrniture and singing some 
Irish song. When Bridget finishes a verse or 
two of the song she looks toivards the door and 
sees Pat, and exclaims, " Come^ in a vick, and tell 
me how you are getting along.'' 

Pat enters by basement door on left. 

Bridget. How is your heart this evening? 



16 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. It is fond and true, and full of love for 
you. 

Bridget. Are you sure that you don't love 
some one else? 

Pat. As shure as I live. 

Bridget. I hope so, but — 

Pat. But what? 

Bridget. But don't make love to other girls, or 
flirt as some people call it. 

Pat. I will not, my darling. 

It's your own sweet face I see, 

In song and story; 
For you are my evening star. 
And my morning glory. 

Bridget. A truce to blarney, tell me how^ you 
like your new^ place. I suppose that you are 
working in the Journal office? 

Pat. 1 got the job. 

Bridget. And did your boss present you with 
that new suit of clothes? 

Pat. He gave me one month's pay in advance, 
because he saw that I needed a new suit of 
clothes. 

Bridget. He was very kind. 

Pat. Yes, he was. 

Bridget. I suppose it made you feel happy to 
receive your first month's pay? 

Pat. Yes, it did: for I knew that I w^ould have 
enough to buy a new suit of clothes, and a 
present for you. 

Bridget. A present ^for me, what kind of a 
present? 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 17 

Pat. A ring, our engage ring. [Takes a ring 
from his vest pocket and hands it to Bridget.] 

Bridget. It is a nate little ring. 

Pat. It is, and { hope that you will like it. 

Bridget. 1 will because it is a present from 
you, and because it is our— 

Pat. Our engage ring. 

Bridget. Yes," a vick, that is it. 

Pat. Of course, it is. [Emijraces and kisses her.] 

Bridget. My dear Patrick, you must be tem- 
perate and save your money. 

Pat. I will, alalia. 

Bridget. If you don't 1*11 never sing for you. 

Pat. I promise you that I will be temperate, 
and that I will save my money. Now won't you 
sing for me? 

Bridget. Yes, if you join in the chorus. 

Pat. All right. [Theg sing and dance some 
Irish song ] 

END OF FIRST ACT. 

ACT II. 

SCENE Yl.-Editorial Room of the Evening Journal 

Pat discovered dusting of the desk. 
Enter Mr. CIleason bg centre. 
Exit Pat. 

Mr. G/eason. [Taking a seat at desk] I wonder 
why the ladies don't call. They have had time 
enough to think over my advertisement. Perhaps 
they will be here shortly, for it is now four 
o'clock, and it is Monday afternoon. [.4 rap on 
door.] 



18 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Mr. Gleason. Come in. 
Enter Mr. Smith, the legal friend of Mr. Gleason. 

Mr. Gleason. [Turning toward the door sees his 
friend, and rising, extends his hand, and exclaims,] 
Good afternoon, Mr. Smith. 

Mr. Smith. [Grasps his hand, and exclaims,] 
Good afternoon, Mr. Gleason. 

Mr. Gleason. How is business? Have you got 
any clients? 

3Ir. Synith. Not many. [^4 rap on door.] 

Mr. Gleason. Gome in. 
Enter Mr. Barnes, Miss Sumner, Miss Smith, Miss 
Gray and Miss Fay. 

Mr. Gleason. Good afternoon, ladies and 
gentlemen. 

Mr. Smith. Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes. 

Mr. Barnes. Good afternoon. [Turning to Mr. 
Gleason.] Mr. Editor, the ladies have instructed 
me to bring a suit against you for breach of 
promise, for they found by comparing notes that 
you promised to marry them on this Monday 
morning. 

Mr. Gleason. Me promise to marry them, they 
are dreaming. I did not promise to marry any 
one yet. 

Miss Sumner. Did you advertise for a wife? 

Mr. Gleason. Yes, [ did, and was expecting an 
answer, but no one called this morning. And if 
any called on Saturday morning I did not see 
them. 

Miss Sumner. Didn't you promise to be at the 
Fifth Avenue Hotel, at 8 o'clock this morning, 
with vour best man? 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 19 

Mr. Gleason. No, I never promised anything 
of that kind. 

Miss Sumner. 0, you deceitful wretch. I will 
sue you for breach of promise. 

Mr. Barnes. And she will claim $50,000 
damages. 

Miss Smiih. And I will sue him for $100,000 
damages if he don't keep his promise with me. 

Miss Gray. And I will sue him for $150,000 if 
he don't keep his promise with me. 

Miss Fay. And I'll sue him for $200,000 if he 
don't marry me. 

Mr. Barnes. Mr. Gleason, jonr joke is likely to 
cost you $500,000. 

Mr. Gleason. That is about all I have, but I 
will not lose it. 

Mr. Barnes. Why not? 

Mr. Gleason. Because I can prove an alibi. 

Mr. Smith. So he can. He was playing billiards 
with me and some other gentlemen on Saturday. 

Miss Sumner. At what time on Saturday? 

Mr. Smith. From three o'clock until six. 

Chorus of Ladies. 0, what a story! 

Miss Sumner. It w^as at three o'clock on 
Saturday afternoon that he promised to marry me. 

Mr. Smith. I think that some one else must 
have personated Mr. Gleason on Saturday 
afternoon. 

Mr. Gleason. Most likely. I'll call Patrick, 
maybe he knows something about it. [Goes to 
centre door and calls Patrick, while the ladies are 
talking to each other.] 



20 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Enter Patrick from centre. 

Mr. Gleason. Patrick, did you receive any 
ladies on Saturday? 

Pat. What ladies? 

Mr. Gleason. The fair ladies present. 

Pat. 0, yes; I told them to sit down outside. 

Mr. Gleason. Very good, I told you if any 
ladies called to find seats for them. But who 
personated me and promised to marry them ? 

Pat. That's very queer. Did they say it was me? 

Mr. Smith. Not yet, but it looks like it. [The 
ladies stare at Pat, and appear to he conversing.] 

Mr. Smith. I think that Patrick has played a 
joke on the ladies and on his boss, for he is about 
the same height, and he looks something like 
Mr. Gleason. 

Pat. Shure I am not Mr. Gleason. Don't he 
wear eye glasses and a mustache. 

Mr. Smith. But you could put on a false 
mustache and eye glasses and that duster on the 
nail and look like the editor. Suppose we trans- 
form you just to see how you will look. [Mr. 
Smith takes the duster off the nail and handing it to 
Pat,] Put that on Patrick. 

[Pat puts on the Editor^ s duster.] 

Mr. Smith. [Taking a false dark mustache out 
of his vest pocket,] Now put that on. 

Pat. [Puts on the dark mustache.] 

Mr. Sinith. [Handing Pat his eye-glasses.] Now, 
put that on. 

Pat. [Puts on the eye-glasses.] 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 21 

Mr. SniifJf. Now, ladies, look at him. Don't 
you think that Pat has played a joke on you and 
on his boss? 

Miss Sinnner. It looks like it. 

The other ladies. So it does, so it does. 

Miss Stimner. Taking a small coivhide froyn 
under her shaivl or wrapper.] Now, ladies, let us 
give him what we intended to give his boss. 

[Miss Smith, Miss Gray and Miss Fay take 
coivhides from under their ivrappers.] 

Fat. [Dropping upon his knees.] 0, ladies, 
forgive me. It was only a joke of mine. 

Miss Sumner. Now, ladies. 

[Fat rises from his hiees and the ladies coivhide 
him around the stage for a few ?ninutes and exit hy 
centre.] 

Mr. Smith and Mr. Barnes. Good afternoon, Mr. 
Gleason. 

Mr. Gleason. Good afternoon, gentlemen. 

[Mr. Smith and Mr. Barnes exit by centre.] 

Mr. Gleason. Patrick, how do you feel after 
that cowhiding? 

Fat. I feel rather sore, but I will recover from 
it, and I hope that you will forgive me for playing 
that joke on you and the ladies. 

Mr Gleason. I don't think that I should. 

Fat. If you forgive me this time I will not 
play any more jokes on you, and I will try to get 
you a good wife. 

Mr. Gleason. Well, Til forgive you, but you 
must not do so again. 



22 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. All right, sir; when I did play that joke 
I believed then as I do now that I can get you 
acquainted with a handsome young lady who is 
qualified in every respect to be your wife. 

Mr. Gleason. Is she good looking? 

Pat. Remarkably so; but you shall see for 
yourself. 

Mr. Gleason. When? 

Pat. Be in the vicinity of St. Peter's Roman 
Catholic Church on next Sunday morning with 
your carriage. 

Mr. Gleason At w^hat time? 

Pat. When it is near ten o'clock. Drive 
slowly pass the church, and keep your eyes on 
the sidewalk when you are near the Astor House. 

*Mr. Gleason. All right, will you introduce me? 

Pat. I will try and get you acquainted 
somehow, but you must be there without fail. 

Mr. Gleason. All right, Patrick, barring accident 
I will be there. 

SCENE Mil.— Front View of the Astor Rouse. 

Pinter Pat. [He falls and lays ivith his face down.] 

Enter two young ladies from the right. [They observe 
Pat and exclaim, ''See that drunken loafer,^^ 
and pass on and exit by left.] 

Enter Miss Clancy from the right. Observing Pat 
she exclaims, " 0, what a pity.^^ [Looking 
towards Pat] Bridget would feel bad if sJie 
saw him laying they^e. I will call a cab. [She 
turns to left.] 

Enter Mr. Gleason /row? left. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 23 

Miss Clancif. Will yon be so kind as to call a 
cab or an ambulance for this young man on the 
sidewalk. He does not appear to be well, he 
ought to be taken to the hospital. 

Mr. Gleason. [Looking dotvn at Pat.] Why, that 
is my man Patrick. I will take him to his 
boarding house in my carriage if he is not too ill. 

Miss Clancy. I think that the hospital would 
be the best place. 

Pat. [Turns and looks up.] 

Mr. Gleason. [Stoops down and taking his arm 
helps him to rise.] 

Pat. [Gets np.] And when up, "Good morning, 
Miss Clancy, I thank you for your kindness. Miss 
Clancy, Mr. Gleason ; Mr. Gleason, Miss Clancy. 

[Miss Clancy and Mr. Gleason how to each other.] 

Mr. Gleason. T am glad to make your 
acquaintance. 

Miss Clancy. And I am glad to make your 
acquaintance. But you must take care of Patrick. 
His Bridget will be anxious about him. 

Pat. Miss Clancy, please to tell Bridget that 
I send her my love and best wishes. 

Miss Clancy. All right. 

Pat. ]f I am not well enough to go and see 
her, Mr. Gleason will call and let her know how 
I am. 

Miss Clancy. Very well. [Exit Miss Clancif 
by L. H.] 

Pat. Ain't she a daisy? 

Mr. Gleason. Yes, Patrick, she is. Is that the 
young lady you had reference to? 



24 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. Certainly, that is the charming young 
lady I had reference to. She is Alderman Clancy's 
only daughter. 

Mr. Gleason. All right; I will pop the question 
when I get an opportunity. 

Fat. That's the idea, embrace the first 
opportunity. You will please to drive in the 
vicinity of Alderman Clancy's house this evening, 
and stop at the Alderman's House and tell Miss 
Bridget Finnigan how her Patrick is. Tell her 
I will be all right in a few days. 

Mr. Gleason. Very good, Patrick, I tumble, but 
come and have breakfast with me. My carriage 
is aronnd the corner. [Mr. Gleason and Pat exit 
by the left.] 



SCENE VTIL — Parlor of Alderman Clancifs house. 
Furniture modern. Miss Clancy sitting near 
the piano. Mr. Gleason sitting near her. 

Miss Clancy. I have informed Bridget that 
Patrick will be all right in a few days. But while 
you are here you may as well wait until pa 
comes, and in the meantime if you are fond of 
music I will play the piano. 

Mr. Gleason. It would please me very much. 

Miss Clancy. [Takes a seat at piano and plays 
some popular air, tvhen finished she turns and faces 
Mr. Gleason.] 

Mr. Gleason. Miss Clancy, you play exquisitely, 
and the air is very pretty, as pretty as you are 
yourself. 

Miss Clancy. You are quite a flatterer. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 25 

Mr. Gleason. How can I help it, and how can 
any one help loving yon. [Dropping on both knees.] 
Miss Clancy, I have the honor to offer you my 
hand and heart for I love you sincerely. [Taking 
her hand and kissing it.] Will you be my wife? 

Miss Clancy. If pa gives his consent I will be 
your wife. I believe that pa has come. Look in 
the library. 

[Mr. Gleason and Miss Clanci/ rise and Mr. 
Gleason placing his arm around Miss Clanci/s waist 
and kissing her on the forehead.] My dear, we will 
ask your pa. 

SCENE IX.— Front View of Astor House. 

Enter Mr. Gleason froni the left and Patrick 

0'SHAY//'om the right. 

Mr. Gleason. Good morning, Patrick. 

Pat. Good morning, Mr. Gleason. What luck? 

Mr. Gleason. Good luck, everything all right. 
The young lady will have me for better or for 
worse, and her father has consented. 

Pat. And when will it come off? 

Mr. Gleason. In two weeks after it has been 
called twice in St. Peter's Church. 

Pat. 'J'hat's splendid. I will ask my Bridget 
if she will consent to be Mrs. O'Shay upon the 
same day after it is called twice, because it will 
be so nice, 

Mr. Gleason. Very good, Patrick, but from 
henceforward you must be my assistant editor. 

Pat. Thank you, sir; I will try to fill the 
position. But in the meantime I would like to 
take a vacation. 



26 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Mr. Gleason. You can take a vacation until 
after our weddings. 

Pat. All right, sir. 

Mr. Gleason. But come and have some lunch. 

[Mr. Gleason takes Pat's arm and they exit by tJie 
left.] 



SCENE ^.—Basement of Alderman Clancy's house. 
Bridget is discovered siveeping the jioor and 
singing some Irish song. Pat knocks at door on 
left. Bridget puts the broom away and opens 
the door.] 

Enter Patrick O'Shay n)ith a broad, brim felt hat 
on. [Takes off his hat and opens his arms.] 

Bridget. [Banning into Pafs ar)ns.] I am glad 
to see you Patrick. 

Pat. And I am glad to see you my love, for 
I have good news for you. 

Bridget. What news? 

Pat. Well, in the first place, I am the assistant 
editor of the Evening Journal, and will receive a 
larger salary. 

Bridget. Look at that now. I thought you 
would be promoted to something. 

Pat. I believe you think a great deal my dear 
girline. But don't you think that it is in your 
power to make me very happy? 

Bridget. But how can I make you very happy? 

Pat. By becoming Mrs. O'Shay on an early day. 

Bridget. [Smiling.] Indeed and I will for its 
then ril be gay. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 27 

Pat. [Emhracincj and kissing her.] Bridget, my 
clear, you must be aware that Miss Clancy and 
Mr. Gleason are a going to be married. 

Bridget. Yes, yes. It was of that I wanted to 
speak, and shure it was you gave the introduction. 

Pat. Indeed it was, and I want our marriage 
ceremony performed on the same day. What 
do you say to that? 

Bridget. With all my heart. [Giving her hands 
to Pat.] 

Put. [Takes both her hcmds and kneeling doivn 
on both knees.] And I promise to love and cherish 
you until death. 

Bridget. I think we will be very happy, for 
I love you sincerely. 

Pat. [Bising.] I know we will, alana, for we 
will always love each other. But let us have a 
song and dance, and then Fll be off to make 
arrangements for our marriage. [Music plays 
some old Irish air and Pat and Bridget sing and 
dance.] After singing and dancing for about 
eight minutes the scene changes. 



SCENE XL— Street Scene, Gold St.,N. Y.,as before. 

Enter Patrick O'Shay from right, and Mr. Smith 
from left. 

Mr. Smith. Good morning, Mr. O'Shay. 

Patrick O'Shay. Good morning. [They shake 
hands.] 

Mr. Smith. I congratulate you on your pro- 
motion to assistant editor. 



28 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

Pat. Thank you. I suppose you will also 
congratulate me on my approaching marriage? 

Mr. Smith. I do. 

Pat. Then I hope that you will oblige me by 
acting as my best man. 

Mr. Smith. I have already promised to act for 
Mr. Gleason. But here comes Mr. Barnes, perhaps 
he will oblige. 

Enter Mr. Barnes //'o/y?. left. 

Mr. Smith. Good morning, Mr. Barnes. 

Mr. Barnes. Good m.orning, Mr. Smith. 

Mr. Smith. This is our friend, Mr. Patrick 
O'Shay, assistant editor of the Evening Journal. 

Mr. Barnes. [Extending his hand.] Allow^ me 
to congratulate you. 

Pat. Thank you; but I have a favor to ask. 
Will you oblige me by acting as my best man. 
I am going to get married to one of the best 
little girls in the world. 

Mr. Barnes. I will be your best man, and will 
congratulate you again on your good fortune. 
When will it take place? 

Mr. Smith. Next Monday morning, and T am 
to be Mr. Gleason's best man. 

Mr. Barnes. I will have to congratulate Mr. 
Gleason. 

Pat. 1 am shure that he will thank you as I do. 

Mr. Parties. Mr. Smith, why don't yoa get 
married? 
Mr. Smith. When my financial sky grows 
brighter, 
I'll look around, and try to sight her. 



LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 29 

Mr. Barnes — 
And when my sky looks as bright as that above, 
I'll look around for some one to love. 

Pat— 
Pretty good, but don't despair and don't give up. 
And now let us take a drink, and I'll put them up. 

[All exit bij left.] 



SCENE Xll.— Alderman Claneifs parlor. Alderman 
Clancy sitting dotvn at centre table. Mr. George 
Gleason and Miss Clancy sitting down on the 
left hand, and Miss Clancy's bridesmaid, Patrick 
O'Shay and Miss Bridget Finnigan and brides- 
maid sitting donni on the right. 

Alderman Clancy. I suppose that Mr. Smith 
and Mr. Barnes will be here shortly. 

Mr. Gleason. Yes, ^ir; they will be here in a 
little while. I expect them every moment. 

Patrick. So do I. 

[Miss Clancy appears to be ccnversing with her 
bridesmaid, ami Miss Finnigan with her bridestnaid.] 

Alderman Clancy. [Taking two parcels out of the 
breast pocket of his frock coat.] My dear daughter 
here is your marriage portion. 

Miss Clancy. [Rises and goes to table and receives 
a large roll of bills from her father.] 

Alderman Clancy. It contains $50,000 in United 
States Bonds and Bank Notes. 

Miss Clancy. Then George had better take care 
of them. [Hands the parcel of notes and bills to 
Mr. George Gleason and sits dotvn again.] 



30 LOOKING FOR A WIFE. 

ifr. Gieason. [Takes the roll of hills and jnits 
them in the breast pocket of his coal] 

Alderman Clancy. That's right, let him take 
care of them. And now let me make another 
present. Miss Bridget Finnigan I will present 
you with $5,000. 

Bridget. [Rises and goes to table and receiving 
a large roll of bills from the Alderman.'] Thank 
you, sir; I feel very grateful, but Patrick must 
take care of them. [Hands the roll of bills to Pat 
and sits doum.] 

Pat. [Puts them in the breast pocl'et of his coat.] 
Enter Mr. Smith and Mr. Barnes /Vo;;^ left. 

Mr. George Gieason. [Elsing.] Here they are, 
Alderman, our friends, Mr. Smith p.nd Mr. Barnes. 
[S /takes hands with thern.] 

[Alderman Clancy rises and shakes hands ivith 
Mr. Smith and Mr. Barnes. Patrick CSIiay and 
Miss Finnigan and, Miss Clancy and tlie tivo brides- 
maids rise and shake hands ivith Mr. Smith and 
Barnes, and then face tonmrds the front of stage. 
Patrick O'Shay and Miss Finnigan on right hand, 
Miss Finnigan's brides^naid behind Miss Finnigan, 
and Mr. Barnes behind Patrick O'Shay. Alderman 
Clancy in centre. Miss Clancy on the left of the 
Alderman, and Mr. George Gieason on left of Miss 
Clancy, Miss Clancy's, bridesmaid behind Miss 
Clancy, and Mr. Smith behind Mr. George Gieason.] 

When all are in position: 

Patrick 0\Shay. Every one is ready, 
And the ladies look full of life. 

Mr. George Gieason. And I am ready to receiv^e 
w^hat I was looking for — a charming wife. 

[end.I 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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